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Before the sword warmed to the touch, she screamed and yelled so much that I couldn't help it. I pulled
the sword out. "Do you want out or not?"
"Yes, but Karma, that just totally hurts."
I stuck her back in the fire anyway.
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"Karma, stop it. Don't make me scream again."
I felt sorry for her, so I pulled her out.
I thought about the next thing. Air. Well, I could just sit here on the beach and hold her up, I suppose.
So, I settled back in the sand, and held the sword aloft, but all I got was wind-chapped and a sore arm.
"Karma? What are we doing?"
"Holding you into the wind."
"Oh." She paused for a moment. "Why are we doing this again?"
"Sheesh, how many times do I have to remind you?"
I held her aloft in my other arm for a while, but nothing happened.
"Okay, air didn't help."
With the shovel from my pack, I dug a hole in the sand.
I lowered Rhonda into the hole, then started shovelling sand over the sword. She started screaming
again.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm using Earth to free you." By this time, I was growling. I was doing this for her, or so I kept trying to
convince myself. But no, she just wouldn't cooperate.
"You hate me. Admit it."
At first, I did. The thing was, she was growing on me. I pulled her out and cleaned the sand off. "I'm
sorry. I was trying to help."
Exhausted, I sat in front of the smouldering fire and cooked some meat. We went into the tent, and I
collapsed, waking in late morning.
After breakfast, I tried Water. I walked out into the waves and dunked her into the ocean.
"You idiot!" Rhonda burbled. "I can't swim!"
"What, a Valley Girl surfer chick who can't swim?" I pulled her back out so I could hear her answer
better.
"I don't surf, silly. I just go to the beach to watch bitchin' dudes and work on my tan!"
I shook my head. I should have known. Why the hell had I trusted a psychic named Elvis?
* * *
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I had to spend the whole next day making up to Rhonda for dunking her in salt water.
We returned to the Psychic Eye. This time, Elvis wore a white leather jumpsuit with fringe.
"How did you fare?" he asked.
"Not well." I catalogued the various things we'd tried.
"Let's try another reading," he said.
What the hell. Worst case, I'd be off on some other wild goose chase.
This time, he dealt three cards. Three of cups. Three of swords. Tower.
"Two of those cards are the same," I say. I wasn't sure he'd remember, but I did.
"Yes. They are clearly more significant."
"Please don't tell me to do the same thing over. I couldn't stand it." Rhonda whimpered, so I knew she
agreed.
"Does she love someone?"
"Of course."
"Has he kissed the sword?" He stopped for a second, then looked up. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made
that assumption."
"It is a he. I don't know that he's kissed the sword, but he did try to hug it."
"Not the brightest bean in the crop, is he?"
I shrugged. "What should I do?"
He looked at me, and I knew. Have her kiss him. Naturally. We hopped off to Monterey, where Joe still
had his Surf Shak.
* * *
Naturally, we had to take the Johnny Rice. Rhondainsisted.
Joe looked older than Rhonda had described. She giggled when she saw him. I had to admit, he was the
perfect surfer dude: blond curly hair pointing in all directions. Tall, broad-shouldered, tan, looking pretty
fine in the tank top. Heck, I could totally see why Rhonda liked him. Totally? Gah. I had to get away
from Rhonda. Soon.
"Can I help you?" He looked up and down, recognizing me as Not Of His Tribe. Then he noticed my
board. "Gnarly board you have there."
"Yeah, I've got something to show you."
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"Oh?" He asked.
I put the surfboard down and pulled out Rhonda. I showed him the sword. He looked up, smiling.
"Rhonda. Is she . . . ?"
"She's fine." I noticed the shell necklace, probably what Rhonda had talked about. And I realized, when
I looked in his face, that he'd missed her all this time. "Someone suggested that, if you kissed the sword,
she might be able to depart."
He flexed his right arm and I saw the scar from the sword where he'd tried to hug her.
"Just don't kiss the edge, okay?"
He kissed the flat of the blade, but it was just a quick peck.
"No, silly. Kiss her."
He looked embarrassed. Then, on a whim, I kissed it. A nice, long, slow kiss.
"Eeww, that is so gross. I am out of here. I am so out of here!" And a long-haired bleached blonde
stepped out of the sword into Joe's arms. She was completely nude, but that didn't bother Joe. It
bothered me though. I didn't really want to look.
I turned away to leave.
"Stay for the wedding." Rhonda said. "It'll be awesome!"
"No, you two have a lot of catching up to do. But, I have a wedding present for you." I gave them both
the Johnny Rice. A surfer couple should have a nice vintage surfboard.
"Dude, that's freakin' awesome, thank you," he said, trying to cram all the words into a single syllable.
"Oh, Karma, you're just so bitchin'," Rhonda said. She turned to hug me, but I didn't want to be near
her.
The sword? I renamed it when I got home.
Mo. Silent Mo.
Giants in the Earth
Esther M. Friesner
"Have you ever had one of those days where you just can't get a psalm started?" King David sat back
on the royal throne of all Israel and drummed his fingers on the gently curving cedar armrests. "The
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opening line's the hardest part. I've got everything else down pat: rhyme scheme, subject matter, nifty
metaphors that donotinvolve sheep, for a change. Sheep! Don't get me started. You grow up as a simple
shepherd boy what the hell elseisthere to do in this country? and right away you can't write a psalm
without everyone picking it apart, looking for hidden references to sheep, sheep, sheep, 'til the cows
come home. To say nothing of those so-called 'jokes' the men used to tell about me back in my army
days. Soldiers,feh! As iftheynever "
"Your Majesty was saying something about an opening line?" Tirzah asked amiably. As concubinedu
jourshe had certain assigned tasks, not the least of which was keeping King David's conversation on
track. When a man spends the better part of his youth on the lam from a crazy king like Saul and the rest
of his salad days amassing a comfortablyhaimishempire, his body may cease wandering but his mind often
does not.
"Oh, right, right, a catchy first line, yes, hmm . . ." The ring-encrusted royal fingers, each adorned with a
precious stone the size of the rock that slew Goliath, went back to drumming on the armrest. "Listen, my
subjects, and you shall hear . . . When that Goliath with his spears and arrows/The men of Israel had
piercéd to the marrow . . . Whose sling this is, I think I know . . . There once was a giant from Gath . . ."
"Perhaps Your Majesty should work on a different psalm?" Tirzah suggested, popping a grape into her
mouth. "I've found that when I reach a point where there doesn't seem to be any solution to the problem
at hand, it helps to switch projects entirely."
The king gave her a smarmy smile. "You're a concubine, my dear," he said. "What problems do you face
that can't be solved by a new necklace or an extra dollop of myrrh?" [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]