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thinking it might be Frank, but it wasn't. It was Chad. My neighbor
from my life a million years ago.
"Hey! I thought that was you!" he exclaimed and gave me a big
hug.
"Hey yourself!" I said and hugged him back.
He pulled away, marveling at me. "I haven't seen you in forever! I
thought you'd moved!"
I smiled at him and said, "No. I'm still here."
He nodded. "I was just about to grab a bite to eat. Want to join
me?"
"No," I said. "I've already eaten."
"Already?" He glanced at his watch. "It's only eleven."
"What?!" I said and grabbed his arm. It was eleven. I'd been
wandering around for three hours! How had I lost track of time?
"Come on," he said. "My treat."
I stared at him. He was so cute. Tall, lanky. Good natured. He
lived in the apartment below mine and Jackie's. I was always running
in and out of there and he'd always say, "In a hurry much?" which
would make me smile. God, I missed him. I missed running around.
I missed Jackie.
"How's Jackie?" I asked.
"Didn't you hear?" he said. "She moved to Ft. Lauderdale."
"What?"
He nodded. "Someone told her the strippers there were making
twice as much as they do here and she left."
She hadn't even called me. She hadn't said goodbye. I hadn't been
around for her to say goodbye. We were so close once and now she
was gone to a new life.
Oh, shit. Shit.
"So, how about it?" he said and wiggled his eyebrows.
Kim Corum Breaking the Girl Page 137
"Sure," I said. "Why not?"
We went to a little Greek place and ate gyros.
Chad talked my ear off, asked me a million questions, which I
didn't answer, then told me we should go out sometime.
"If you like," he said. "I always meant to ask you out, then you
moved and I kicked myself in the ass. I told myself that if I ever saw
you again, I'd ask you. So how about it?"
I smiled at him. Something in me made me almost want to accept,
but I couldn't, of course. I couldn't because I wasn't a free agent
anymore. I had my man and he had me.
A sudden gust of panic set it. It ate at my insides and made me
slightly nauseous. I suddenly remembered my deadline. Knowing it
was past made me panic. I wanted to jump up and run, get out before
it was too late.
Chad was staring at me as I swam inside these thoughts. I shook
myself and smiled at him.
"Sorry," I said. "I'm kinda..."
I trailed off. What was I involved in? What kind of relationship
was it? Was it the kind that involved a nursery? No. The kind with
diamond rings? No. The kind with white wedding cake? No. Then
what kind was it? I didn't know and that saddened me. For a
moment. Who cares about that kind of stuff anyway? I knew life was
no fairy tale and that included knowing weddings and marriages
weren't either.
"Oh," he said and squeezed my hand. "When you get tired of him,
give me a call."
I smiled at him. "Sure."
"Great," he said happily.
I nodded and stood. "Listen, I have to get going. I have an
appointment I need to keep."
"I understand," he said. "Keep in touch, Kristy."
I stared at him. No one ever called me Kristy anymore. Always
Kristine.
"Will do," I said.
He stood and gave me a peck on the cheek. I stared into his eyes,
Kim Corum Breaking the Girl Page 138
wondering if he could see through me. If he knew what was going on.
He couldn't. He smiled back at me and told me to be careful.
I didn't go immediately home. I wandered around a little while in
the Quarter, then got in my car and drove around, looking at strip
malls, at houses in the suburbs, at things like I was a foreigner and all
of this was new to me.
And it was. In a way.
After darkness had fallen, I decided to go home. He was waiting on
me. As soon as I pulled into the driveway, he was at my car, opening
the door, demanding to know where I was, who I had been with and
why I had left.
"I don't want to talk about it," I said and pushed him away.
He watched me disappear into the house. I went straight for the
liquor cabinet and poured myself a shot of Jack.
He stopped in the doorway and watched me.
"What's the matter?" he asked quietly.
"Nothing," I said.
"Where did you go?"
"Out."
"Why?"
I poured myself another shot and said, "No reason."
"Kristine," he said. "Just tell me what's wrong."
"What's wrong?" I said and waved the bottle at him, pouring
whiskey all over the floor. "What could be wrong, Frank? I have it
made here. You do everything for me, give me all I ever wanted and
more."
He swallowed hard. "Just tell me."
I stared him dead in the eye and said, "I can't do this anymore."
"Can't do what?"
"Be with you like this. I can't give it to you anymore. I want to and
it kills me to say this, but I can't do it anymore."
"What happened?"
I scoffed, "What do you think happened, Frank? I woke up!"
He stared at his shoes. "What do you want?"
"I don't know," I said and started to cry. "But I don't want this
Kim Corum Breaking the Girl Page 139
anymore."
"What do you want?"
"I don't know, but I don't think you can give it to me."
His head shot up and a dark cloud settled over his face. I wished I
hadn't been so honest.
"What's wrong, Kristine?" he said. Now he was concerned.
"I can't do it anymore, Frank," I wailed. "I just can't!"
He stared at the switch on the floor, where he'd dropped it the night
before and never retrieved it, then back at me. He looked almost
defeated.
"Do you not love me anymore?" he asked quietly.
No, I didn't. I couldn't. I had shut it off. Today. This morning.
Time was up. I had all the money I'd wanted from him and it was,
simply, time to go. Move on. Away. Run. Run away.
"Of course I love you!" I said, shaking my head.
"Then what?"
"I don't know!"
And I didn't. It was as if the tables were suddenly turned. And I
didn't know what to do now. Besides leave and start over. I was good
at that, starting over. I liked it. I liked the newness. I didn't like what
I had here anymore. It was so comfortable, it suffocated me. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]