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and sleep well. I don t expect you to be at morning prayer. I m going
to go and see that foolish girl. Give me your hand...
I held out my hand to her across the bed. She lifted up my sleeve
and, sighing, kissed me all along my arm, right from the tips of my
fingers to my shoulder. And as she left she vowed that the foolhardy
girl would regret daring to disturb her. I moved straight over to the
other side of the bed, nearer the door, and listened. She went into
Sister Thérèse s cell. I was tempted to get up and intervene between
Sister Sainte Thérèse and the Mother Superior, should things turn
violent. But I was so distressed and felt so uneasy that I decided to
stay in bed, though I did not sleep. I thought that I was going to
become the talk of the convent; that what had happened, which in
itself could not have been more straightforward, would be recounted
in the most unfavourable way possible; that the situation here would
become even worse than it had been at Longchamp, where I had
been accused of all manner of things; and that the authorities would
get to hear about what we had done wrong, that our Mother
Superior would be dismissed and that both of us would be severely
punished. Meanwhile I kept my ears open and was impatient for our
Mother Superior to leave Sister Thérèse s cell. The problem must
have been difficult to deal with, because she ended up spending
almost the whole night there. I felt so sorry for her! She was naked
but for a chemise, and bristling with anger and cold.
In the morning I was very keen to take advantage of the special
dispensation she had given me to stay in bed, but the thought came
to me that I should do nothing of the sort. I dressed at great speed
and was the first to arrive in the choir, but neither the Superior nor
Sainte Thérèse appeared, which I was very happy about, first
because I would have found it difficult to see my sister without
feeling embarrassed, and secondly because, as she had been given
permission not to attend the service, she must have been forgiven,
and on conditions which could only reassure me. I had guessed
correctly, for no sooner was the service over than the Mother
Superior sent for me. I went to see her. She was still in bed, looking
exhausted. She said:
 I ve been ill and haven t slept. Sainte Thérèse is mad, and if she
behaves like that again, I ll lock her up.
120 The Nun
 Oh, dear Mother, I said,  don t ever lock her up.
 It depends on how she behaves. She s promised me that she ll
behave better and I m counting on that. And you, dear Suzanne, how
are you?
 I m well, dear Mother.
 Have you rested a little?
 Only a little.
 I m told that you were in the choir. Why didn t you stay in bed?
 I wouldn t have felt right, and besides I thought it was better
to...
 No, there was no problem. But I feel as if I want to take a nap
now, and I d advise you to go and do the same in your cell, unless
you d prefer to accept a place next to me.
 Dear Mother, I m terribly grateful to you. I m used to going to
bed alone, and I couldn t sleep with anybody else.
 Run along then. I shan t come down to the refectory for dinner;
food will be brought to me here instead. Perhaps I shall stay in bed
for the rest of the day. You must come and see me, together with a
few other nuns I ve asked.
 And is Sister Sainte Thérèse one of those nuns? I asked.
 No she replied.
 Good.
 Why?
 I don t know; it s as if I m frightened of seeing her.
 Don t worry, my child. I can assure you that she s more frightened
of you than you need be of her.
I left her and went to rest. In the afternoon I went to the Mother
Superior s room, where I found quite a large gathering of the
convent s youngest and most beautiful nuns; the others had already
made their visit and left. You know about painting, and I can assure
you, Monsieur le Marquis, that it was quite a pleasant picture to
behold. Imagine a studio with ten to twelve people in it, the youngest
of whom was probably fifteen years old, the oldest not yet twenty-
three; a Mother Superior, nearly forty, white, fresh, of full figure,
sitting up in bed, with a double chin, which she bore quite elegantly,
arms as round as if they had been turned on a lathe, slender and
dimpled fingers, and big dark eyes, bright and tender, hardly ever
wide open, but instead half closed, as if their owner was too weary to
open them; rosy-red lips and milk-white teeth, the prettiest cheeks,
The Nun 121
and a very pleasant head, sunk into a deep soft pillow, her arms lying
feebly by her sides, with little cushions supporting her elbows. I was
sitting on the edge of her bed, doing nothing. Another nun was in an
armchair with a little embroidery frame on her knees. Other nuns
were near the windows, making lace; some were sitting on the floor
on cushions from the chairs, sewing, embroidering, unpicking
threads* or spinning on the little wheel. Some of them had blond hair,
others brown. None looked alike, although they were all beautiful.
Their characters were as varied as their looks: some were calm, [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]