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There was genuine torment in his brother s eyes.
Nate grabbed the dog tags around his neck to feel the cold metal bite into his palm. He gritted his
teeth.  You don t understand& I have to do this.
 You re damn right, I don t understand. Why would you risk your life again like this?
 Because I m fucking dying inside! I can t keep slinging drinks at the bar and pretending that I m
fine. I can t bury the guilt anymore. And I can t keep pissing away this second chance at a life that I
got and seven other men didn t.
He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the porch from spinning around him. Fuck, that Jack was
hitting him hard. But even the liquor flowing through him didn t help with the pain. It was too sharp.
Etched into his heart. He didn t even remember what it felt like to live without that pain anymore.
 Damn it, Nate. Why didn t you talk to me? Let me help.
 Because you can t fix this, he said.  I know it s in the past, and I know I can t change what
happened. But I have a chance to get it right this time. If I don t do this& Fuck, man. I want to get
better. I m trying to get better. I don t want this shit to own me for the rest of my life. I can t live like
that. If I go back& maybe it will be what I need to heal.
Jace pushed up from the rocking chair and paced across the deck, bracing his hands on the rail.
 How do you know doing this won t just make it worse?
 I don t, Nate said.
Jace stared silently into the night, watching people walk in and out of the party. Nate didn t say
anything, either. What was there to say? He d made his decision.
Had it been the right one? He didn t know anymore. He hadn t made a right decision in so long, he
wouldn t know one if it bit him in the ass.
 You re going to be an uncle, Jace finally said.
Nate s gaze snapped up and shock nearly stole his voice.  What?
Jace turned around and gave him a strained smile.  Hayden s pregnant. Three months along. We
weren t planning it& but then again, I guess we weren t really trying that hard to prevent it.
Nate felt a rush of joy through his heart. He stood and grabbed his brother by the shoulders, reeling
him in for a hug.  I don t know if I should be hugging you or punching you in the face for knocking up
the girl who s been like a little sister to me for most of my life.
Jace laughed, finally relaxing.  Let s go with the first one.
 Congratulations, man. You re going to make a great dad.
Jace looked uncertain.  You think?
 I know.
 I m going to need you around, brother, he said.  You re my family, Nate. You and Hayden and
this baby. That s it. Don t you dare put me through another death. Don t rob my kid of an uncle, when
he s already been robbed of two grandparents.
Raw emotions clawed at Nate s throat, and his eyes burned. Jace was right. He didn t deserve to
bury a brother. And that was exactly what was going to happen if Nate didn t get his shit together. He
could deny it until he was blue in the face, but it was true.
 I won t, he said. And this time, he meant it. He had too much to live for.
Jace nodded, and some of the tension rolled away from his shoulders. His gaze moved to two
women walking across the grass toward the party. Lilly and Hayden.
The corner of Jace s lips lifted in a crooked smile.  Looks like our girls are done with their
impromptu bachelorette party.
 You should get back to your beautiful bride, Nate said, and grabbed onto the porch railing for
balance, fighting the urge to go inside and climb the stairs right up to Lilly s bed to wait for her. If he
were honest, that was the only place he wanted to be right now. The thought of curling up in cold,
strange sheets, alone, after this hellish day, made his stomach churn. He d spent the entire day pushing
her way, trying to put some distance between them before he crushed them both. He d seen the
confusion and hurt in her eyes when he d walked away from her tonight. Was he actually going to be
able to walk away from her forever?
 What about Lilly?
 What about her?
Jace laughed.  Don t bullshit me. You care about her.
Yeah. He did.
Nate more than cared. He fucking loved her.
He stumbled back as the realization rolled over him like a ton of bricks.
He loved her.
And he couldn t imagine a life going forward that didn t include Lilly Grayson in it.
Nate knew he wasn t perfect, but he wanted to be a better man for her. The kind of man she
deserved. For the first time in his life, he actually felt like that was possible.
He was still leaving. There was no going back on that, but if he explained, maybe she d wait for
him. Be there when he came home, ready to give them a real shot.
He shook his head, trying to dislodge the hope he was feeling from taking root. It was no use. Why
would she want to? Not after the way he d treated her.
 It doesn t matter if I do care about her, he said.  I m no good for her.
 You know& Nobody is asking you to forget your past, bro. Jace grasped Nate s shoulder and
gently squeezed.  We re just asking you to give yourself a chance for a happy future. To let yourself [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]